My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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