When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
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when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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