he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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