i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
