You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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