my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
