Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
