yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
