you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
