just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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