She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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