Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
