I smell stomach acid.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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