nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
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she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
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I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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