didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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