not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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