Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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