i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
