So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
