I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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