Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
