No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
