So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
