wakey wakey hands off snakey
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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