Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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