yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
