I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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