Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
