what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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