The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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