I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
