Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
