Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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