someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
