Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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