peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
