69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Damn victory sex feels great
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