But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Randomize
