remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
