im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
