it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
