I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
