I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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