i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
