I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
