the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
is wine microwaveable?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
