She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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