Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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