mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
