I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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