i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
