The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
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It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He? As in you personified your dick?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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