We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
