apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
