it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
