You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
