He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
