Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
