I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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