my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
